The Post That Comes After Church When Your Pastor Says Something and You Turn Bright Red and KNOW That He's Talking to You... Even Though He's Not; God Is.

This is one of those posts that you write because of a conviction about judging people when you're secretly praying that no one judges you because you do unfairly judge people and you probably deserve their judgement...

Hence; the title :-)

As I struggle through this wait to bring our next precious baby home (and lately, it HAS been a struggle), I've realized that I used to consider myself 'accepting' of other people and of the choices they make, especially when they pertain to adoption and/or infertility. On Sunday our Pastor said something that ... well, you read the title. On Sunday, I realized just how judgemental I am...

I am NOT the mom (and wasn't even the non-mom) who judges the mother of a screaming child in a grocery store.

I am NOT the woman who judges a teenager or single woman or her boyfriend when she gets pregnant.

I am NOT one who judges the parents of teens who are making bad choices.

I am NOT the wife who judges another couple's marriage.

I am NOT a young twenty-something year old who judges another young couple when they say they aren't ready to have kids.

I am NOT the teacher who judges the parent of a special needs child.

I am NOT the mom who judges a new mom when she decides not to nurse her baby.

I am NOT the adoptive mom who judges another adoptive mom when she decides to nurse her baby.

But here's the thing....

I AM someone who judges a homeless person who holds a sign on the side of the road.

I AM a mom who judges another mom who chooses to nurse her child until he/she is a toddler.

I AM someone who judges parents who take their child to a family doctor instead of a pediatrician.

I AM a parent who judges other parents when they practice co-sleeping with their baby.

I AM all of those things. I don't want to be and please understand that just because I struggle with making those judgements doesn't mean I care less about the people I'm judging... even though that sounds all wrong :-/ I love those people and I respect the choices they make... but I don't always agree and disagreeing with someone often-times leads to making a judgement; intentional or not.

Our life experiences tend to lead to learning and growth (even though that is the LAST thing I want to be hearing right now in this wait). THIS experience has taught me just how much I judge so as of this weekend, I can honestly say that

I USED TO BE....

The waiting adoptive mom who judged other waiting families who's wait went past a year.
(We all know that a year is a dreaded 'milestone' for any adoption wait)

I used to judge a family based on the pictures they chose for their photo album, as if I was the one they needed to 'appeal' to.

I used to judge large adoptive families because it seemed as if they were 'collecting children'.

I used to be those things. I am working on narrowing down my long list of 'AMs' but I am happy to say that I am NO longer the one who judges waiting families... no matter how long their wait has been. Those judgements hurt. Unfortunately, it took my first-hand experience to realize those things but I AM thankful for the reminder that came to me in church;

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
~ Matthew 7:1-5

I spend many days lately asking myself, "What's wrong with us?"  I KNOW there is nothing wrong with us... believe me, I've asked MANY of the people who know us well and would be completely honest with me. We're not perfect but we are a strong family and we have a wonderful track-record with Hannah's First Parents.... one that's not perfect but one that we work really hard on.

SO... if nothing else comes out of this awful, painful, gut-wrenching, often-times-throw-up-worthy year, I have at the very least dropped a long list of the adoption-waiting-related judgements I used to make. For that, I really am grateful.

NOW, time to work on that other list....