Donorsexuals- "You Got Your Sperm WHERE?!"

I stepped out to get the mail today.....

I mean, I don't read Newsweek... actually, no one in my house does so I'm not really sure why we get it. Hmmm...

Anyway, how could I NOT read this article when it's title was screaming at me.....

"YOU GOT YOUR SPERM WHERE?!"

In short, the article details the life of a sperm donor; the reasons why men donate sperm, who they donate to, and how. I guess there are many many websites out there that make forums, of sorts for people who would like to find a donor on their own, as opposed to finding one through an agency, etc. I have to admit, I found the article interesting..... creepy, but interesting.

Here's what I learned;

* You can get pregnant through a donor one of two ways; through AI (Artificial Insemination) or NI (Natural Insemination.... or sex).

 Now really, I'm a pro at understanding AI (we've done it a few times in the past) but what I know to be AI (like, in a doctor's office) is very, very different than what the article describes; injecting sperm into the vagina (yes, like in The Switch with Jennifer Aniston... turkey baster, anyone?) or placing it in a cup that is inserted into the vagina and attaches to the cervix.

* What creeped me out is not really HOW these people insert the sperm but WHERE....

"... so the venues at which they met their donor had a saucy impromptu feel; a hotel, the back  of the couple's SUV, a camper trailer, a Starbucks bathroom."

Coffee, anyone?

~ Now, i've never asked my parents where I was conceived but I'm pretty sure they'd tell me if I asked them... we're just kind of like that. (For the record, I don't plan to ask them...) BUT, what would the conversation between a child who was conceived this way and his/her parents sound like?

Hmmm....

* 'Donors' are calling themselves 'donorsexuals' and some even claim to be virgins, though they've 'donated' over 50 times and have many children through this process.

* The majority of men 'donate' their sperm in order to spread their genes and having as many kids as possible...

* Many 'donors' are married. (I do find it interesting that the article fails to mention whether or not the wives of these 'donors' know that they are, in fact donors.)

(If you'd like to read the article, click here. It really is interesting ;-))

So... I'm completely interested in knowing your thoughts on this; on 'donorsexuals' and the women/couples who find them and on the lives of their kids, should they conceive.

~ What are the implications for these kids when they grow up and find out that they were conceived this way? Is there a difference between getting pregnant through IVF, IUI, or a donor through IVF of IUI and the way this article describes? If so, why?

~Is it fair for these men to consider themselves 'virgins'?

~ If your husband/ partner expressed an interest in becoming a donor, how would you respond?

~ Will you EVER be able to walk into a Starbucks bathroom again?!

I'll go ahead and enable the judgement-free zone and the Cone of Safety so feel free to comment as Anonymous .... take advantage; that doesn't happen too often ;-)

BOO!

I have to be honest, I really don't like Halloween. I don't like what it stands for, or the characters people dress up as, or the shows and movies on TV at this time of year, or... well, my list goes on.

What I DO like is candy, and dressing up (in happy costumes) and the sense of community I feel when the temps are lower and everyone is outside and hyped up on sugar :-) SO, while we don't decorate or watch scary movies, and we have some strong limitations on costumes and characters, we do dress up and eat candy and play outside and THIS year is the first year we've been BOO-ED!!

I'm new to 'BOO-ing' so if you are, too here's a run-down (there are SO many versions, I've recently learned so I'll just still with the one I know);

~ We got home the other night from dinner and there was a cute Halloween gift bag sitting on our front step. Inside was this poem....

You've Been Boo-ed!

The phantom ghost has come to town
To leave some goodies... I see you've found.
If you wish to make this a happier fall...
Continue this greeting, this phantom call.

First, post this Phantom where it can be seen,
And leave it there until Halloween.
This will scare other Phantoms who may visit.
Be sure to participate, you don't want to miss it!

Second, make two treats,

Two ghosts and two notes like this.

Deliver them to two neighbors who may have been missed.

Don't let them see you, be sneaky, no doubt,

(and make sure they put their BOO Ghosts out)

Next, you have only one day to act, so be quick!
Leave it at doors where the Phantom hasn't hit.
Deliver at dark when there isn't much light...
Ring the doorbell and run, and stay out of sight!!

And last, but not least, come join in the season.
Don't worry, be happy for all the right reasons.

This is all in good fun and we are just trying to say...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

And this little guy (well, I didn't like the one that came with our's so I switched it out for this cute guy....)

Our bag was also full of yummy treats; some candy, some chips, cookies... yum!

So last night we filled 2 bags with treats of our own; candy, fruit roll-ups, apples (yep, i'm 'that' mom), and a special bag inside the big bag marked 'for mommy' with some yummy chocolates in it :-) Then, we bundled up and headed out to roam the neighborhood for 2 houses that had yet to be 'BOO-ED'. Hannah had such a fun time running from house to house and it really did make me excited to trick-or-treat with her this year. (Just WAIT till you see what she's going to be :-))

We got home last night and I started feeling slightly left-out and confused... I got to thinking, "Why do the kids get to have all the fun? What about the ADULTS?" :-)

So I wrote my own version of the "BOO" poem and decided that I'm going to do my best to start a new tradition for the adults in our neighborhood... we need to have some fun, too! Here's my poem (don't get critical, now... I never said I was a poet ;-))....

New traditions come with new neighbors

So here’s a new one for (name of neighborhood) to savor;

Kids get to ‘boo’ and run for cover

Now it’s our turn, fathers and mothers.

We don’t get to trick and we don’t get to treat,

And the candy we steal is the candy we eat.

Well, it’s a new day and you’re one who’s been picked.

It’s time for a treat not chewed, bit, or licked.

Not every home has a kid but each one has an adult.

The goal of this game has a creative result.

Like being ‘boo-ed’, you have work to do.

Shop your heart out but classy’s better, it’s true.

Some chocolate, a gift card, some décor, or wine.;

Keeping ‘adults’ in mind ensures a good time.

$5 or less, yes boundaries are good.

Classy but cheap should work, yes it could.

You have ONE day; copy 2 times, post the glass on your door.

Fill up two bags, ring two door-bells, hit the floor!

Keep the secret or tell, that’s not the point;

In a season of giving, let’s rock this joint!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!



So, there ya go :-) This is the extent of my creativity and it's all because I felt slightly left out. HA! I'll let you know if this new 'BOO' technique works.

Have you been 'Boo-ed'? If not, consider starting this in your neighborhood... we've met some new friends through 'boo-ing' and it's such a fun thing for the kids to do!

On This Day, My Sweet Girl...

My sweet sweet Hannah.... our baby-girl,

You're turning 3 years old today and I just can't wrap my head around how fast time has flown by. Here in your third year of life, it is very important that you know just how much you are loved... and wanted... and prayed for... not only by us and your grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends, but by your first families, too. The number of people who love you and pray for you stretches across oceans and hearts and time and families... to the moon and back. THAT, my precious girl, is how special you are!

You are so many things to me and your Daddy... here are just a few;

                                                                                                                    You are prayed for...

You are cherished...

 

                                                                                    

 You are silly and goofy...

You are memorable...

                                                                              You are slightly mischievous...

You are a princess, daughter to a King...

You are a Daddy's girl...

 

• You're a Mommy's girl, too....

You are a friend...

• You are strong and independent...

You are unrepeatable....

     HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HANNAH! You are LOVED on this day and every day!



'It Just Wasn't God's Plan...."

"It just wasn't God's plan."

God spoke to me a couple weekends ago. I mean, loud and clear, I heard His voice in my heart for the first time in a long time. He told me to do something....

And I wanted to. With everything in my heart, I wanted to.

But I didn't.

I let other people's thoughts and feelings change what I KNEW and HEARD in my heart.... so even though I listened and heard, I didn't obey.

It didn't take long for me to realize that what I did was ignore and disobey.

I have beat myself up for almost 2 weeks... I regret not obeying, I'm angry that I let other people claim to be more 'realistic' and 'factual' and led me to believe that I was being 'emotional'. And when I finally got around to explaining my disobedience and how bad I felt, this is what I got...

"It just wasn't God's plan. We did all we could. He has a better plan."

But then why does God talk about disobedience in His Word? Why was the term created?

BECAUSE... WE HAVE THE CHOICE TO OBEY OR DISOBEY. We can listen or ignore. We can act or stand by and wait and watch. We can GO or we can STAY.

I disobeyed, and I ignored, and I stood by and waited and watched, and I stayed.

I think too many times, us as Christians use this phrase as an excuse. Of course we have the best intentions... of course. But we still have choices... God gave us choices. And the truth is, we have the freedom to make the WRONG choices.... and that's what I did. I make the wrong choice.

I believe fully in God's ultimate plan for our lives. I trust that His plan is far greater than my own (even though my own is pretty darn good ;-)).

BUT... there's always a 'but'... I also believe that we can miss opportunities and choose to ignore His voice, His prodding.

Wanna know something funny?

My Daddy is my hero. I love him more than I can even explain. He's my Daddy. If my Daddy tells me to do something... I do it. No if's, and's, or but's. If he tells me how he feels about something, I consider, and I pray, and I process, and I take it seriously. He's my Daddy!

But I have a Heavenly Father, too. HE told me to do something a couple weeks ago and I all I did was give him my if's, and's, or but's.

How do you reconcile between what we know... "God's plan is better than our own. This just wasn't His plan for us"... and what we CHOOSE to ignore.

It's disobedience. I disobeyed. I regret it.

I also know that His plan will reign supreme... no matter if I choose to obey or disobey.

I learned a lesson in the past 2 weeks.... listening and obeying (no matter the backlash from those around you) is NEVER something you will regret. Even if things don't turn out the way you planned, you will never regret listening and obeying.

I want us all to stop using "It just wasn't God's plan" as an excuse. Sometimes it's true and sometimes it's a nice way of saying "I heard you and I chose to disobey you, God. I'm sorry."

(Man, that's tough to say.)

The thing is... everything would have changed if I had only obeyed. Whether the plan came to fruition or the doors closed and we knew for sure that we had done everything we could... everything would have changed.

There's no excuse for disobeying God's voice. Lesson learned.

The hard way :-/

URGENT~ Human Tissue

I woke up this morning, opened my cold Diet Coke, stepped outside to get the newspaper, and was greeted by this.....

A 15 pound box containing human tissue.

(Wow. Never thought I'd say that.)

We've had a crappy week and it's surprisingly fitting that it would end with human tissue on our front porch.

The best part?!?!

I called the company to tell them that their 'tissue' went to the wrong house, in the wrong city, in the wrong zip-code, and the customer service rep said,

"Would you please open the box and tell me what you see?"

And I said,

 "HA! Over my dead body!"

It's still there waiting to be picked up by UPS and it's driving me crazy. I open the door every 10 minutes to see if it's still there...

Yep. Still there.

It's been there for 10 hours now.... on dry ice. It was mailed yesterday afternoon.... how long does dry ice last?!?!

The ONLY thing I can think of that is WORSE than human tissue sitting on your front porch is RANCID HUMAN TISSUE sitting on your front porch!!!

Yep. Still there :-/

For the Love of a Biological Child...

I love my acupuncturist... she's vocal about her love for Jesus and has a way of making you feel relaxed and calm in her presence. She's truly wonderful and I look forward to seeing her every week!

But (there's always a 'but')....



I go to Acupuncture as a way to manage my Endometriosis and had to give her a run-down of my medical history at my first appointment... I take EVERY opportunity I can get to tell people about Hannah and our journey in bringing her home (it's just my favorite story in the world... so far ;-)) so I took about 5 quick minutes to share it with her. We get lots of reactions, as most people do, to our adoption story and 99.9% of them are encouraging and enthusiastic... it IS a story of hope and miracles and answered prayer, after all and I'm positive that I portray it as such! 

 Jean's response was a first....

"I just hope that one day you're able to experience the deep love and bond that a mother can have for her biological child."

Oh. My. Goodness.

Seriously?!

I stumbled my way through what I felt was more of a defense than an explanation... I was caught completely off-guard. What are you supposed to SAY to that?! If that was added to our list of What Not To Say, I'm sorry but I don't have any appropriate response....

 I love my child more than I could ever imagine loving someone? She was hand chosen for us by God and the love and appreciation we have for her is unlike any other? I've never felt a desire for a biological connection to my child... I've just always desired to be a Mom?

I stumbled through a combination of those and probably many more but ultimately, I ended with this;

"How many children do you have?"

Her answer???

"Oh, I don't have any kids... it was just never in my plan."

HA!

A Post Full of Scary Words

I'll warn you up front that this post will be full of really scary words!

Scary words like...

* Infertility

and

* Endometriosis

and

* Bowels

and

* Acupuncture

Told you. Are you ok?

(I'm pulling out all the stops for this one so if you're not ok with topics that may seem TMI, move on....)

;-)

When Joey and I started trying to get pregnant 58 months ago (bc people who live in the infertility world keep track of time just like Mommies do when their babies are little.... except our 'months' really never turn into years), I've got to be honest... we kinda saw the dreaded "I" word coming.

 My mom and dad had trouble getting pregnant with me (I was a '1 month-off' miracle baby :-)) and then couldn't get pregnant again (THANK THE LORD!! This is why mom and dad adopted and why I have the 2 most amazing brothers a girl could ask for!). Mom's infertility issues were basically hormonal but as we all know, those stinkin hormones are stubborn and it can take years to find just the right (and always pretty simple) way of tweaking them so they all line up. Well, after years of trying, those stubborn hormones lined up and wah-la... here I am :-)

I always knew there was a chance I could have trouble getting pregnant just like my mom but in the end, my infertility issues are nothing like my mom's.

Go figure.

We saw our first RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) about 11 months into our first year of trying. We did the blood work (2 times a week for 4 weeks, at first), HSG (Hysterosalpingogram... 100% as scary as it sounds!), ultrasounds, sperm samples, cycle charting, temp-taking, and baby-dance timing. We did IUI... too many times to count. In July '08 we finally got our dreaded diagnosis.......

'Nothing' was wrong with us.

Awesome.

(FYI; in the world of infertility... this is NOT always a good thing!!!)

I wanted to take a pill, get a shot, and have something that could be fixed! What in the world is 'nothing'??

I love when I can look back at my life and remember times when I just KNOW that God was laughing at me! If it's true that you burn calories when you laugh, God must be pretty darn skinny.... I don't know about you but he laughs at me A LOT!

Wanna know why he was laughing?

Because 9 weeks later we brought home our baby-girl....

I know I've said this before but I'm so thankful that we didn't get pregnant.... I thank God every single day! There's really no way we could have created this perfect baby-girl... she needed different DNA...  and our love.

So, even though I know why we didn't/haven't gotten pregnant ( we needed to bring our sweet girl home), it still leave us wondering what the heck is going on.... medically, I mean. Because we all know that there is a medical reason for infertility and God reason.

SO, Hannah was 4 months old and I started noticing how uncomfortable I was. My discomfort was mainly centered around my cycles but sometimes not... weird. I went back to my RE and described feeling 'full' and 'bloated' and 'crampy' more often than I remembered. Sometimes I had bowel issues, sometimes I didn't. My cycles were getting longer, my patience was getting shorter. Sometimes I would spend 2 days a month on the couch in pain, sometimes I would take some Midol and be ok.

We scheduled a Laporoscopy (yep, as scary as it sounds) to find the source of my discomfort.... an added bonus was that we might find some answers to the infertility piece, too even though we had our precious baby-girl. 

 Wanna know something? I asked our entire family and friends and small group to pray for my surgery.... but I didn't ask them to pray that they'd find nothing wrong. I asked them to pray that something would BE wrong! I wanted a diagnosis... BAD! Now we weren't messing with just not getting pregnant... mama was in pain (and we all know how that goes...)

We did the Laporoscopy and FINALLY had some answers...

I had Endometriosis!

YES!!! WOOHOO!!! HURRAY!!! Now gimme a shot, lemme take a pill, and let's DO THIS!

I went in for my post-op and as my doctor explained to us a little more about Endo, he also made something very very clear...

"Your Endometriosis is the source of your discomfort and I cleaned out as much as I could ... but ... there's always a 'but'... it's not bad enough that it's keeping you from getting pregnant. I still don't feel like I know why that is... medically."

(I loved having an RE who was a Christian. He really 'got it'... and knew how much of a miracle our baby was :-))

For those of you who aren't familiar with Endometriosis.... it's a condition in which the tissue that behaves like the cells lining the uterus (endometrium) grows in other areas of the body, causing pain, irregular bleeding, and possible infertility. The tissue growth (implant) typically occurs in the pelvic area, outside of the uterus, on the ovaries, bowel, rectum, bladder, and the delicate lining of the pelvis. However, the implants can occur in other areas of the body, too (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001913/)

Thanks, Doc. Now what?!

So, we went home. We enjoyed our baby-girl, and felt even MORE confirmed in God's plan to build our family through adoption. THIS plan is perfect for our family!  

BUT.... there's always a 'but'.... what about the Endo?  It's still there.

Here I am, 3 years later and my Endo sweetly reminds me almost every single day that it's still there.

Endo is 'fed' by Estrogen. And Estrogen is released by your body every month during your period. This means that every month, my Endo is growing and it will continue to until it all gets 'flushed out' by pregnancy and delivery (which we're not aiming for and at this point would take medical intervention and we're done with that), enter Menopause, or have a Hysterectomy (which I believe could be in my future).

This isn't quite the 'thing' I imagined growing inside me one day ;-)

Here's my most recent dilemma....

We aren't trying to get pregnant and have been told that from a medical perspective, IVF is our best shot at achieving pregnancy. We're not opposed to IVF for other people but know it's not the right choice for us... having that biological connection to our children has never been of utmost importance to us; tho at the same time, I completely understand why it is to many other people.  Our family is growing through adoption and nothing will change that or the excitement we feel by being completely enveloped in God's plan for our family!

BUT... there's always a 'but'... what do I do about this Endo? I know it's not going to get better and at the same time, I don't want to go through another surgery, more meds, more doctors, etc.

 I've been researching Acupuncture... and I really like what I read! I went to my first appointment last week and left feeling completely relaxed and rejuvenated and to be honest, I haven't felt so bloated this week!

Now, I've been completely (and disgustingly :-)) honest with you so please help me out! I'm being followed by my doctor, of course, and she and I have regular talks about managing my symptoms but I still always feel that opening a forum for these discussions with other women can help so so much...

Here's what I'd like to know...

Have you tried Acupuncture? What for? What kind of results, if any, have you noticed?

Do you have Endometriosis? Or maybe you have cysts or fibroids or something similar? What are your symptoms? What have you done to try and manage those symptoms? What's your future plan to manage them, if you have one?

I Blame It ALL On Adam & Eve....

Our baby-girl has Pneumonia. In the middle of Summer. For the second time... that we know of (I'm FULLY convinced that she's had it many times and it went undiagnosed and ended up disguised by antibiotics...).

She had a cough on Tuesday. That's it; A dry cough. No runny nose, no wheezing, no fever. Just a cough.

She took a nap on Wednesday and woke up covered in throw up (sorry :-( ), and with a RAGING 105.1 temp.

One. Oh. Five. Point. One.

Do you know what that looks like on a thermometer? It's AWFUL! Absolutely awful :-(

We put her in a cool bath and watched her for a while. When it was clear that her temp wasn't budging, we went to Urgent Care. Thankfully, the one closest to us is open until 8pm... we got there at 7:45. They took her back immediately, hooked her up to oxygen monitors, pricked her finger to get a while blood count, and off we went for a chest x-ray.... she's a trooper! SUCH a big girl! We didn't leave Urgent Care until 10:15pm... did I mention that they closed at 8pm? That's right... every single staff member stayed THAT late just for us. They were amazing! They even brought stickers to help us pass the time....

(Daddy loved the stickers ;-))

Hannah had coin-size spots of Pneumonia in both of her lungs... and it wasn't even noticeable when the Doctor listened to her chest. You have no idea how much that scares me! We are SO thankful for a smart doctor who wasn't willing to risk anything with Hannah's health and went ahead with an x-ray even though she didn't hear anything.... so so thankful!

Baby-girl got a (PAINFUL!) shot of Rocephin and went home with antibiotics, new nebulizer solution (yep, we're already proud owners of a nebulizer), a princess bandaid on her finger, and a red crayon bandaid on her leg. By 11pm she had an ice-pack on her leg, the nebulizer going, and Dora on TV... of course :-)

On our way up for bed, Hannah limped ahead of me and when she got to the bottom of the stairs (Daddy had already gone up), she yelled, "JOEY! JOEY!" When he came to the bottom of the stairs she said, "Hi Daddy! My weg hurts.... carry me, pwease?"

And he did :-)

Hannah has slept with us the past few nights so we can monitor her breathing and her increasingly nasty cough. The night we came home, we all piled into our bed and Bentley (our dog) had a lot of trouble settling down. He would pace around the bed, whine at Joey, and then come over and whine at me. Joey took him downstairs and let him out but when they came back upstairs he continued to whine and pace. All of a sudden he jumped up on our bed (it's about 4 feet off the ground and he's not allowed on it) and before we knew it, he was covering Hannah's face with kisses! He was SO worried about her and this is where he slept all night....

right on Hannah's legs :-)

We took Hannah in for a re-check today and she's having trouble kicking this Pneumonia. Her lungs are still crackling so we're in for a low-key, relaxing weekend and another re-check with new x-rays on Monday. Even though she feels (and sounds) yucky, a surprise Edible Arrangement from her grand-parents, a new princess crown, and lots of TLC from Mommy and Daddy (and Bentley!) have earned us a few of those smiles we love so much!

I hate when my baby is sick! As much as I hate it, I am reminded so often of how blessed we are for her overall health and of how many precious babies aren't so healthy... I'm praying for all of them (and their mommy's and daddy's) tonight!

Even so... I blame it all on Adam & Eve. Thanks a lot, guys ... I hope it was a yummy apple.

;-)

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

The past few weeks have been full of humorous-Hannah... she cracks us up on a daily basis! I never, ever want to forget the funny things she says so I thought I'd start documenting those moments... especially since it looks like the baby book is never going to be finished ;-)

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes....
~~~~~~

Me: "Hannah, what would you like for lunch today?"

Hannah: "A burger and a diet coke."

~~~~~~~

I put Hannah to bed one night. I kissed her good-night and she said, "Ni-night Mommy. Go downstairs with Daddy now."

~~~~~~~

Me: "Hannah, we have to put our shoes on so we can go to the store."

Hannah: "We NEED ice cream!!!"

~~~~~~~

Hannah: "What are you doing, Mama?"
Me: "I'm shucking corn for dinner."
Hannah: "Oh Mama! I LOVE corn!"

In the next breath:

Hannah: "I need a funfetti cupcake, Mama!"

~~~~~~~~

Hannah: "Daddy, you're a super-chunk!"

~~~~~~~~

Hannah: "Dee-o (Bentley, our dog), you're so CRAZY!"

~~~~~~~~

Me: "Hannah, our pacifiers are all gone! You're a big girl now so we won't have a pacifier for nap-time today."
Hannah: "Let's just go to the store for a new one, Mommy!"

~~~~~~~

Me: "Hannah, when you make a mess you need to clean it up."
Hannah: "Oh, I'm sorry Mommy. You clean up please, I'll go watch Dora."
~~~~~~~

Every morning when I get Hannah from her room she says,
"Good morning, beautiful Mommy!"

~~~~~~~

She's the love of our lives... and she's growing up way.too.fast!

What TO Say; Part III

I LOVE the list we came up with on What Not To Say; Part III.... and I even have a Part IV in the works! In situations when someone asks one of these questions or makes one of these comments, my first reaction is typically always to smart-off. I think we can all agree that smarting-off isn't the best way to go. Most people making these statements or asking these questions are naive or uneducated in the world of adoption and need only to be lovingly taught how to ask the same thing or say the same thing in a non-offensive, non-hurtful way. That's where we come in!

I thought I would quickly run through our awesome list and mention some appropriate responses; I've learned the hard way that it's always good to have these responses thought-out before you're faced with the comments or questions so 'smarting-off' isn't a temptation when you're caught off-guard.

1. "How much did you pay for her?"

A better way to ask: "What fees were involved in adopting through your agency/attorney?"

A potential response: "We paid an agency/attorney/etc. some fees that covered advertising for potential birthparents, legal fees, his/her birth-moms medical fees and some living expenses so she could have a safe, stress-free, and healthy pregnancy, and those fees also made sure that she and us could receive counseling if we felt at any point that it was needed. None of that money was given directly to his/her birth-parents but it gave us the peace of mind that everyone was supported and cared for throughout the process of bringing our baby home."

2. "Don't you ever want your own children?"

A better way to ask: "Do you ever long for a biological child?"

A potential response: "I do wonder all the time what it would be like to experience a pregnancy, how I would tell my husband that we were pregnant, what it would feel like to have my baby kick and move inside me, and experience labor.  My reasons for ever desiring to experience a pregnancy have to do with the experience itself... and the fact that it is a 'simpler' process than adoption. It has a time-line, you have a diet to follow, and there's a specific plan set in place. THESE are the things that I think about.... but there has never been a difference in our minds as to whether or not a biological child would be more 'ours' than a child God chose for us through adoption."  

3. "She is so lucky to have you."

A better statement: "You are all so blessed to have each other!"

A potential response: "WE are extremely blessed to have HER!"

4. "You already have one beautiful child, isn't it a little selfish to want more kids when it's so hard to get them?"

I don't even have ideas for a better question to ask; just don't say that... to anyone!

If someone does say this to you~ A potential response; "We rely strongly on the thoughts and feelings God gives to us in the process of growing our family and we know that our family isn't done growing. The fact that we have a desire for more children takes nothing away from our thankfulness that we have Hannah... we just know that God isn't done with us yet and until He shuts every door and tells us differently, we'll continue searching for our next sweet baby/ies!"

5. "How often do you talk to her mom and dad?"

A better question: "How often do you talk to her birth-parents?"

A potential response: Be honest in describing whether your adoption relationship is closed, semi-open, or open (head over here to learn about the differences) but also mention that YOU are your child's 'mom and dad' and that the correct term for their biological parents is 'birth-parents' or simply 'biological parents'.

6. Do you think you can love him/her as much as a real parents loves their child?
~ Thanks, Misty!
Stay tuned.... this is the topic of our next post!

8. "Where is he/she from?"
~ Thanks, Amelia!

A better question: "Was this a domestic or an international adoption?"

9. "He/she's so cute.... why didn't his/her mom want her baby?"
~ Thanks, Amelia!

A better question; "What did his/her biological parents choose to place her for adoption?"

A potential response: Your response will depend on the openness of your adoption and how comfortable you are in sharing these details. It's ok to simply say "we really prefer to keep his/her story private until he/she is older." If someone wonders why his/her birthmom didn't "want" her, this is an incredible opportunity to explain what we know of a birth-moms heart; that they wanted this baby more than anything! Birth-parents possess a type of selfless love that I'm not sure many of us could ever understand; she loved her child so much that she was able to acknowledge that she just wasn't enough for him/her. Maybe she couldn't support him/her the way he/she deserved, maybe she needed time to focus on bettering herself before she could give herself fully to her child, the list goes on! The point is this; giving your child to someone else to raise and love is an act of love that some of us will never ever understand in it's entirety. And that's ok... our plans are all different. What is so incredibly special about a child who is placed for adoption is that those children are doubly loved; first by his/her 'first mom and dad' and second by their mom and dad.

10. "Does he/she look more like his/her birthmom or birthfather?"

~ Thanks, Brooke

Again, this is one of those questions that you should just not ask. Some kids looks like aunts or uncles, some have different color skin, and some just have their own 'look'. Who someone looks like just doesn't matter and can present an incredibly awkward situation for any parent.

11. "I think it's completely selfish that you didn't nurse your daughter when she was an infant."
~ Thanks, Erin!

I hope we've established that calling anyone 'selfish' is just not necessary. It IS possible for a woman to nurse a child that is not hers biologically. It involves lots of medicine, uncomfortable contraptions, and lots of time BEFORE the baby is born. 'Time' is one of those things that some adoptive parents just don't have. If you have the time, go for it! Nursing can be an awesome bonding opportunity for you and your baby... but bottle feeding your newborn can be a bonding opportunity for you, your husband, and your children. Bonding is crucial for everyone in the household when a child comes into it through adoption so do what's right for you, in your situation... you're not selfish. I promise!

PLEASE leave comments with your input, too... we all handle situations differently and my way is NOT always the best way. I'd love for you to share your own thoughts and feelings!